I feel like a lot of people have totally missed the point of sex positivity, especially hetronormative men. So lets clear things up.

Yes, having sex whenever and however is sex positivity. That is not, however, all there is to sex positivity. Sex positivity is, yes, meant to work against slut shaming, but sex positivitivity isn’t “let’s everyone have lots and lots of sex with everyone all the time” and I see too many men telling women that because those women don’t want to have sex with those men or don’t want to have sex in general they’re not “sex positive”. If you do that, that is COERCION, which is not consent and not having consent, or being coercive, is about as far from sex positivity as you can get because it’s rape culture.

Not wanting to have sex and then not having sex is also sex positivity. Wanting to have sex (as in, having sexual desires) and then choosing to not have sex is still sex positivity- putting off having sex until after marriage is still sex positivity. It’s a choice.

Shaming people because their desires and choices don’t match up with yours is not sex positivity. Shaming people and calling them “prude” because they don’t choose to have sex is not sex positivity. Shaming people and calling them a “slut” because they do choose to have sex is not sex positivity. Shaming people because they choose to have sex, just not with you, is not sex positivity.

We clear?