“and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid
So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive”
-Audre Lorde
Salaam to you.
I can’t quit life but I can quit tumblr and sometimes when I think about this it makes me feel better.
I am really sorry you had to endure that and the abuser-sympathizing rampant in most of our society. And if you’re Muslim, I’m particularly sorry that our Ummah has failed you by refusing to address issues like abuse when they come up in our communities. You have my love and support.
aiyshawaiysha reblogged your post: aiyshawaiysha: themindislimitless:…
I don’t have to say anything. Everything that needs to be said is already said in Qur’an and Hadith. Your understanding is given to you already by Allah(swt). You basically have the entire package. The words are:
1.”We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth” (46:15).
2. ”Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood’ “(17:23-24).
3. “We have enjoined on man and woman kindness to parents; but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not’” (29:8).
4. “We have enjoined on man and woman (to be good) to his/her parents; show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is (thy final) Goal. If they (parents) strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration) and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love)” (31:14-15).
YOUR understanding of these words is up to you. Whatever you add, comprehend, ignore, dismiss, reflect on, etc is YOUR choice. I have the right to repeat the commands of Islam. I’m not forcing anyone to love their mothers, lol.
Salaam,
1, sure, fine. That’s to do with childbirth though, and like I already said, childbirth pains do not excuse a lifetime of abuse…
2, as bolded: “as they cherished me in childhood”. Abuse is not “cherishing”. Abuse the the very opposite, it is an injustice. One of the fundamentals in Islam is fighting against injustice, anywhere, everywhere. Your ayat in this context is moot.
3. “BUT IF THEY STRIVE THEE TO JOIN ME ANYTHING OF WHICH THOU HAST NO KNOWLEDGE OBEY THEM NOT”. As in, if they force you to do something that’s haraam, then you don’t obey them, though you can reject whatever they’re telling you to do with loving kindness. The ayat does not speak on abuse, on parents doing something haraam that affects you and on your healing. But I do have:
Ibn ‘Umar said, “Allah has called them the ‘dutiful’ (al-Abrar) because they are dutiful (birr) to their parents and children. Just as you have a duty which you owe your parent, so you have a duty which you owe your child.” (Also see this whole article by Imam Khalid Latif)
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra’ bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said, “I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them,” Allah’s Apostle cast a look at him and said, “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.” (Bukhari)
Also see this article.
The commandments of Islam are to love and respect your parents when they love and respect you too. You’re bringing this up in a context which is wholly irrelevant. In fact, when the OP post was about not shaming kids because they don’t love their parents, particularly in cases of abuse, you came in and said you think that not only do you think those kids should love their parents (mothers, in this case) anyway but that they owe their mother thanks, praise, and love. For carrying them through pregnancy. What about reminding abusive “mothers” that they owe their kid a serious apology for completely ruining not only their childhood but leaving them with emotional trauma to deal with for the rest of their life? What about remembering the part in Islam where parents owe their kids respect and kindness too, and that abuse is haraam?
Yeah, you can remind people to love their parents. But you don’t get to do show sympathy with the abusers of children on a post specifically made for supporting the feelings of abused children and not shaming them.
hey guys friendly reminder that not everybody has a good relationship with their mother so please try to avoid reblogging or posting things that might be construed as shaming people for not thanking/praising/loving their moms
thank you
sorry but ALL moms carried their children in their wombs, experienced difficulties and hardships because of them…
no matter what your relationship is with her now, you can never thank, praise or love her enough for what she went through.
no one owes anything to their mother because their mother chose to carry them through pregnancy— if the mother decided that, then that was their choice. that history does not cancel out if someone’s experiencing abuse at the hands of their mother. and in that case, they are not required to give an iota of love or respect to said mother, because abusers do not deserve love or respect. (To add: a lot of abused kids still do love their abusers, because abuse and recovery are complicated but nevertheless): shaming people because they don’t thank, love, or praise their mothers because of those conditions is horrible and unacceptable.
IF a mother even chooses to go through all the pain, then SHE STILL CHOSE TO GIVE YOU LIFE
She CHOSE to bring you into the world - it’s only because of her you’re even here - sitting here gratefully OR ungratefully
There is something heroic and honorific about appreciating what your mother went through during pregnancy and birth - EVEN if you dismiss her because of your personal experiences. i have my own fair share of “experiences” and those despite those experiences, despite what happened to me because of her, despite the impact her relationship with me had as a child…I still appreciate the hardship she went through because of me.
Being grateful and thankful for one thing doesn’t mean we can’t dismiss or look down upon another thing. Alhamdulillah, we are capable of feeling more than one thing, so it’s not a BAD thing to complement a negative feeling with a good one. Heaven lies beneath a mother’s feet ALWAYS - not just beneath a GOOD mother’s feet. The way you handle even a bad mother will still determine your way into heaven. I will never stop reminding people to be thankful, loving and kind.
Being any of those things is NEVER a bad thing.
okay, so you totally switched tracks in your paragraphs but fine
not everyone who gives birth gets to choose if they wanted to or not, btw. but regardless, nine months of your life when you take care of a body inside of yours does not make up for the years of physical or emotional abuse. if you make up your mind to be a mother, then you do it all the way— and as soon as you abuse your kid, you give up your title as mother and give up your right to love and respect. I will repeat that if necessary.
You talk about Islam teaching appreciation for mothers— when the mother does what they’re supposed to do and take care of their kids. Islam is also very much against abuse and injustices of all kinds. Islam insists on the attention and care for members of our communities that are hurt by injustices, and here you are talking about sympathy for their abusers.
I repeat: you give up your title as mother and give up your right to love and respect when you are abusive to someone who is (biologically) your child.
WHY ON EARTH SHOULD ANYONE BE GRATEFUL TO SOMEONE WHO MAKES THEIR LIFE MISERABLE THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE
with all due respect, whatever your experiences (and I can respect your opinion and decisions on your own experiences), you do not get to dictate how kids with bad relationships with their parents should life or feel. you do not have that right. you do not get to shame them for feeling and acting as they do, because you do not know their circumstances and experiences and you are not the same people.
— Anne Waldman (via uutpoetry)
— Doug Larson
shiamuslim replied to your post: shiamuslim replied to your post: shiamuslim…
OMG THAT GIF IS SO CUTE. Ill make u Banana Milk Smoothies with some cheese crackers~ i have weird cravings ._.
you can keep the banana milk smoothies (not a smoothies fan) but the crackers would be nice thank you
(See how even though I’m oppressive I am also polite as fuck)
(Now make me crackers)
hey guys friendly reminder that not everybody has a good relationship with their mother so please try to avoid reblogging or posting things that might be construed as shaming people for not thanking/praising/loving their moms
thank you
sorry but ALL moms carried their children in their wombs, experienced difficulties and hardships because of them…
no matter what your relationship is with her now, you can never thank, praise or love her enough for what she went through.
no one owes anything to their mother because their mother chose to carry them through pregnancy— if the mother decided that, then that was their choice. that history does not cancel out if someone’s experiencing abuse at the hands of their mother. and in that case, they are not required to give an iota of love or respect to said mother, because abusers do not deserve love or respect. (To add: a lot of abused kids still do love their abusers, because abuse and recovery are complicated but nevertheless): shaming people because they don’t thank, love, or praise their mothers because of those conditions is horrible and unacceptable.
